What is a Male Mother? Q&A by Tonje Kristiansen with Anne Sandberg

“A woman, who takes responsibility for themselves and their offspring within a given frame.

A real “Male Mother” is purely interested in other people who carry their own burden. She wants to behave nicely and respect other people, but the matter is clear:

“The Male Mother” has no time for bullshit. She is not afraid to stand up for what she believes in under any circumstances, being parent conferences, a business meeting or social events.

She is in not seeking out conflict, but she has little time.

She must consider any situation carefully. Her mantra is; “Is this worth my time and effort?”

Quote from Anne Sandberg’s “The Male Mother’s Manifest”

Private photo from Anne Sandberg

Private Photo from Anne Sandberg

I admire you as a friend, a mother, a writer and a conversational partner we have had great conversations the last ten years. You inspire me. Please tell me about you, in your words
I am a visionary; I like to see my self as an intellectual, but survive on being street smart. I am always approachable, but firm if necessary. I like to believe that I’m good with words and think I have a pretty good sense of humor.

Tell me more about your current projects and your writing, in particular your “Manifest” which also inspired your story “Lopsided“.
I wrote my “Manifest” within two days. It was accumulated over several hard years and I thought it very well through. It was never written against the man, but towards the woman/sister. “Lopsided” is “my fourth child” that I started writing after my “Manifest”. I enjoy writing it and excited to see where the story will take me.

Who do you admire?
I admire Nietzche for his braveness; Kai Munk for standing up against the Germans and paying with his life; my sister for having 3 boys within a year; my local grocer for having a great shop; and most of all, my 3 kids for choosing me as their mother.

Who has been the kindest in your life? What do you appreciate?
I am more into appreciation than pointing out a single kind person in my life.

Something I’ve learned to appreciate, as a mother, is kindness. My kids honest and true love for me and my endless love for them.

A colleague’s appreciation is worth a lot.

I find trivial things like moving the lawn a relaxing and contemplative thing to do.

I am grateful that my parents are still alive and loving me.

Friends are incredibly important to me, the ones that stays, I call them “My forever friends.”

Woman, mother, lover does it ever come together?
Yes. As Ibsen said, “A woman has two legs to walk with” – Whatever you want.

Director’s wife, what does it really mean in your opinion? The reality of it.
It means an endless amount of waiting. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can do something about it.

What do you feel about LA?
I can’t honestly say I like it there. It’s after all, the place where Bukowski went to write himself to death.

Who are you now compared to 10 years ago and what would be your advice to yourself as a young girl?
“Be a Queen and rule your own life”. I chose my life much more these days. I am not waiting for anyone or anything and I am not in transit. I am in my own present life. I would advice my young self to never succumb to other people’s opinions and expectations of you.

You have a daughter, what are your hopes for her, how would you want to guide her as she is evolving into a young woman?
Live, love, laugh and work hard. Be a good friend, be good to animals, NEVER EVER do anything you don’t want to do. Boundaries are important.

Your personal hopes for the future and for women and mothers..?
Embrace that being a mother is a sort of “Loveprison”, by just accepting this as a fact of life as a woman you can develop, grow and expand your life as a whole. Always put aside time to think or be silent, it doesn’t matter what you think about, but it is important to get some time to dwell. You never know where your thoughts might lead you.

BIO
Anne Sandberg 42, is from Copenhagen, Denmark. She has a Bachelor degree in Theology and has studied Journalism. She has worked at Zentropa in Copenhagen as an assisting producer for Peter Albaak and Lars Von Trier and is the former CEO at one of Norway’s biggest post production companies, Nordic film Shortcut and Storm Studios.

Currently she is writing, developing and financing “Margaret the 1st” with the Norwegian Film institute.

Anne is married to movie director Espen Sandberg who has directed “Max Manus”, “Kon-Tiki” and currently shooting “Pirates of the Carebbiean 5” in Australia. Together they have 3 children aged 11, 9 and 7.

So you want to be a writer?
Charles Bukowski, 1920 – 1994

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.